I sometimes sit at the end of relationships with my head spinning, asking myself. “Why did he leave me? What the hell did I do wrong? Am I that bad at sex?” I have always blamed my boyfriends, calling them assholes and wanting everyone to know of the wrongs they did to me… It wasn’t until I was talking about one of my past relationships that I realized how shitty I indeed treat some of my boyfriends.
I dated this guy named Drew for a while. The relationship started off romantic, we talked all night one day, till the sun came up, and just really overly cliché shit like that… It was a great relationship until I found out he was fucking the brains out of his ex boyfriend on the side… Which was disappointing because his ex was very unattractive, not to mention Drew would always talk about his ex’s bent penis… I didn’t even have a bent penis, so I must have really been treating Drew like shit.
Every time we fought, I hated knowing that I was to blame, or that I was in the wrong, so I would completely flip it around on him, and make myself out to be the victim. Thank God I was blessed with the ability to cry on command.
Super bowl weekend I convinced Drew to drive up to my Dad’s from school, and come to a party. He got there and I kept saying one rude thing after another, on accident of course. I got yelled at for arriving to the party late, and I was taking it out on him, naturally.
One of my best gay friends had text me and said hello, and was letting me know about his current boyfriend, I didn’t realize Drew could see my phone and I had called my friend ‘babe’ in a text, completely platonic and in no sort of way was I hitting on him… To my surprise Drew flipped out on me, but I had no idea why. He just walked away and was rude for the rest of the night. On our way back home he pulled over into a park so we could ‘talk’.
“I don’t want you calling me pet names anymore!” He shouted as soon as the car took an abrupt stop.
“Oh- okay. Can I ask why?” I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I nervously played at my, then long, hair. He sounded like a crazy person, and he was sweating… I thought I would end up chopped into pieces and left there in the snow.
“Tell don’t play stupid. I saw your text. You shouldn’t be calling other guys ‘babe’. So I want you to just call me Drew from now on. Nothing else.” He was mad, and I knew it was my fault… I didn’t know how to put the blame on him. I was struggling to clear my name, and make me look like the good guy.
“First off, get your story straight, that GUY was my gay cousin!” I managed to blurt out as fast as I could.
“You call your cousin, babe?” He had a look of awkward disgust on his face.
“FUCK YOU!” I was feeling like I was backed in a corner. Like Hitler when he was asked what happened to all the Jews. “You don’t know our relationship, we came out together!” This was a complete lie, neither of us had come out to each other, but it seemed believable, so I ran with it.
“Whatever, I just don’t want you calling me pet names anymore.” He was stern about it and started up the car. I quickly turned my head toward the window, away from him.
“Your best friend constantly is calling you her husband, and all I hear is you calling her ‘wiffey’, NOT TO MENTION you guys are married on facebook. And your other friend, Derrick is constantly calling you boo, ALL THE TIME! And I just have to sit and pretend I am okay with that? How do you think I feel? It breaks my heart!”
My head was still turned toward the window, because I had realized I had him cornered and I was laughing. Not a laugh out loud, gut wrenching laugh, but a nice belly bouncing kind.
“Babe are you crying?” Drew asked, sounding very concerned. This caused me to laugh even harder, which apparently appeared to sound and look like was crying even more.
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” I shouted, pinching my leg as hard as I could, trying to straighten up my act. “My sister always told me no guy is worth seeing you cry.” WHAM. I had him in my hands now!
“Come here,” He said, I quickly threw my face over his shoulders, to hide my smiling face from him, as he patted my back. “I am so sorry, I had no idea that bothered you so much.” He said as he gave me a tug in our embrace… Without him looking I pulled my phone out and deleted the texts I sent to my ‘cousin’… I thought to snap a picture of me smiling and eventually tell him about it all. Maybe have a good laugh… Instead I convinced him a few days later it was snowing anthrax, Dr. OZ was doing a show on anthrax and I was bored. How else am I supposed to get my thrills?